It’s healthy, pleasurable, natural, and fun. So why is female self service still such a taboo subject? It’s time to dispel the myths and get down to basics. We should all be self servicing.
First, there’s no “right” way to do it, and you’re not doing it wrong. It’s all normal. Whether you like to use your hands, pillows, running water, or toys—it’s normal. Whether you do it once a week, once a day, or three times a day—normal.
Second, it’s good for you. “self service releases stress and anxiety,” says Leah Millheiser, M.D., clinical assistant professor and director of female s*xual medicine at Stanford University Medical Center. “We know that you get a total body relaxation after climax, which is great for someone who is tense. self service also increases blood flow to the private parts which is important because blood flow keeps the v**ina healthy.”
Plus, if you’re in a relationship, self servicing on your own can help you climax during s*x, and it helps you form a closer relationship with your partner. “When a woman masturbates and has an climax, it releases oxytocin, a powerful hormone, which makes a woman want to bond more with her partner,” Millheiser says. “We also know that people who don’t self service are more likely to have difficulty reaching climax with a partner.”
RELATED: 10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD self service WHEN YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP
Whether you’re a beginner who’s just starting to explore your body or an OG looking for more, Millheiser offers some tips and tricks on how to take your usual self service game to the next level. You’re only a week (err…an hour?) away from the best climax of your life.
Up for the challenge? Here’s a five-day exploration guide that will leave you begging for more.
Find out what makes you tick and what’s holding you back
Some people are just not comfortable self servicing. It’s important to understand what’s causing this discomfort. Is it religion? Fear of the unknown? Millheiser suggests taking some time to identify any potential barriers. “Some women who identify as a type-A personality are fearful of an climax because it’s losing control,” she says. “For others, perhaps it’s growing up in a religious household. Identify where the block is. Come to terms with it. It may mean speaking with your doctor or therapist to get over that anxiety.”
If you are comfortable with self service already but not sure where to begin, it’s important to explore your own body. Don’t be afraid to get to know yourself. “It takes some investigating,” Millheiser says. “Look on the internet at a clinical map of the female anatomy. Get a mirror and take a look at your own body. Get familiar with your own private parts. Everyone’s private partia is different.”
Sure, this buzzword is thrown around a lot nowadays, but when it comes to self servicing, mindfulness is key. “It takes time and practice and mindfulness to build up to an climax,” Millheiser says.
The biggest threat to a pleasurable self service session? Multitasking. Many women who are so used to multitasking between jobs and kids and partners and life often try to multitask during s*x and self service, Millheiser says. “Instead, be mindful. Focus your mind. A woman who can practice mindfulness is much more likely to reach climax sooner,” she says. “While self servicing, if you find that your mind is wandering off, recognize that and gently bring it back to focus.”
Millheiser recommends using fantasy as a tool, not only to arouse the body but to keep the mind in the moment. “Every woman has a different fantasy,” she says. “It doesn’t have to be about you and your partner, either.”
It also doesn’t have to be about whips and chains or whatever the hot fantasy novels or P0*n movies are doing. Some women will even fantasize about being with another woman or a woman-on-woman s*xual scene, Millheiser says. If you’re a lesbian and you self service thinking of a man, that’s normal, too. “It can be a same-s*x fantasy and it doesn’t mean identifying as gay or straight,” she explains. “Some women find woman-on-woman er*tica more arousing than male and female. No matter what your fantasy is, you don’t have to question your se*uality.”
Lube is great for s*x, but did you know that it’s also great for self service? Many women are on birth control pills, and this can cause vaginal dryness in women, Millheiser says. An important part of self servicing is how lubricated you are. “It makes it more comfortable to stimulate your private parts,” she says.
Millheiser recommends three lubricants: water-based, silicone-based, and oil based. If dryness is not an issue, then go for a water-based. But if dryness is concerning, then use a silicone-based, with a caveat that if you are using a toy with a silicone-based lube, it will break down the plastic. “Silicone-based lubricants are the best because they last a long time and they reduce friction well,” Millheiser says. “Water-based doesn’t tend to last very long and you’ll have to reapply. Oil-based is more for s*x. Use coconut oil or olive oil, both are both fantastic oils that I recommend all of the time. Avoid baby oil or mineral oil.”
Switch it up
Always use your hands? Try a pillow. Always on your back? Turn over. Afraid of s*x toys? There are beginner options.
“I think starting with your fingers is the best way to engage in self service; especially if you are in the early stages, you want to get to know the areas of your body that makes you tick,” Millheiser says. “Some people like to rub the cli**ris against the bed. Some people like to be face up. There is no one position that works for everyone. You have to experiment and find what’s right for you.”
Millheiser says that many women reach climax by putting their vulva under the tub spout or a hand-held shower head. “Think about what’s it’s doing,” she says. “It’s like a quick and easy vibrator. That pulsating sensation on the most sensitive area on the human body. This is an amazing organ that if treated correctly will lead you to an amazing carnal experience.
Most vibrators are for clitoral stimulation only and there are a lot of options on the market. If you’re timid, Millheiser recommends a small device called the Womanizer. “The name isn’t great, but the product itself is amazing. I recommend it all the time to clients and friends. It’s a suction cup that uses an oscillating pressure. It’s almost as if it doesn’t allow you to hold yourself back. It gently pulls an climax out of you.”
If after experimenting you discover you need clitoral and vaginal stimulation, Millheiser recommends starting with the old school Rabbit (or the Butterfly Kiss vibrator from the Women’s Health Boutique). But don’t forget: Not all women climax the same way. “For some women, direct clitoral stimulation will do the trick. But there are many women who find that to be painful or irritating,” she says. “Orgasms are different for everyone. Some women may experience a thunderclap mind-body intense climax and others may experience something much less physically. What’s happening in your life, like relationships, medications, illness, depression, and so many other things can affect climax. Just because your friend has one kind of climax doesn’t mean you will, too. That’s your version of an climax and that may change. As long as you’re having one, that’s a good thing.”
via: INFORMATION NIGERIA